The Gospel in My Chaos
School, baseball, horseback riding, baseball, 4-h, bible study, calling the fire department to rescue my four year old, t-ball, public speaking contest, baseball, putting our house on the market and having it sell in five days, major emotional breakdown on the baseball field by my son, prayer meeting, real estate phone calls, baseball, papers to sign and a now a child with a fever.
To say that the past seven days have been chaotic is an understatement.
Where is the gospel when the rubber meets the road and I am stressed to the point of not being able to swallow my food? How does it change all of this chaos?
When I am in the heat of the moment and my four year old is banging on his bedroom door as he awaits his discipline:
or my six year old won’t stop crying and whining about me not buying her a turtle
or when I get that phone call from the school telling me that my son has just tried to run away
or when my eleven year old cracks open an egg from under a hen to see if it’s ready to hatch yet, killing the chick inside again
How does the gospel affect me?
Does it make me kinder? Sometimes, but not usually.
Does it make me more patient? Probably, but I’m not really aware of it.
Does the gospel make me sin less? Well, no I don’t think so.
So what does the gospel do then?
It tells me who I am. It forces me to get over myself, to be real, to call on Christ for help because I understand more fully how incredibly weak and unloving I am. It frees me to desire what is right because I don’t have to have my own way. I have nothing to prove because the gospel has reassured me that I already have it all.
And when I forget the gospel and I stomp around the house trying to prove myself worthy, He’s there. He knows I’m going to botch it up yet He loves me anyways.
What the gospel does in those moments of chaos is that it frees me to believe that I am still loved.
It frees me to believe that there is no condemnation for me because I am in Christ.
It frees me to believe that He is being glorified in that very moment even in my sin because that is what He does.
He will always glorify Himself.
And when I don’t believe that His grace is for me, He believes it. In those moments of chaos He is praying for me when I forget because I’m trying to restrain a screaming child, break up a fight or clean up barf so the dog doesn’t eat it. He’s praying for me when I don’t want to pray because it just seems like another thing on my too long already list.
The Gospel tells me that He loves to love me even when I’m unlovable.
That’s what the gospel does in my chaos. What does it do in yours?
ABOUT THE WRITER
Kim (@big_kimm) is a mother of four kids (12, 10, 7, and 5) who is never short on examples of how God has flooded her with the excessive grace that the gospel brings. Kimm is the author of Christ in the Chaos: How the Gospel Changes Motherhood and can be found blogging at Christ in the Chaos, Domestic Kingdom, CBMW, Dropping Keys and Faith Life Women.